Very Funny Lawyer and witness conversations

Very Funny Lawyer and witness conversations :

1. LAWYER: Does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

LAWYER: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

2. LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

LAWYER: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

3. YER: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

LAWYER: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

LAWYER: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

4. LAWYER: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

5. LAWYER: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

6. LAWYER: She had three children, is that correct? WITNESS: Yes. LAWYER: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. LAWYER: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different LAWYER. Can I get a new LAWYER?

7. LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

8. LAWYER: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. LAWYER: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess.

9. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that question?

10. LAWYER: Are you qualified to give a blood sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

11. LAWYER: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.

12. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.. LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

13. LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

and the best one...!!!

14. LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. LAWYER: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. LAWYER: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, he could have been alive and practicing law.